Filling in the Fox Gap

Trigger warning: Discussion of eating disorders.

It’s been a while, huh? A month at least. So what’s been going on? Shiiii, a lot.

I need some lovin’

I’ve talked a bit about what’s happened in college and about the looks I get as well. As far as school has gone, my sign language teacher is still a bigot and my history teacher is still terribly ignorant about anything other than her flavor of ethnocentric history, but I have reconciled with the sociology teacher (the one who was rude to me) and the “religious” teacher turned into the program director instead and the real teacher is waaaaay better. Heh, the bigot teacher has asked me to drop her class because “I will never pass [her] class” and I might as well “save [my]self from the trouble.” Thanks for the vote of confidence, lady!

Do you remember that I was taking care of my kid brother a while back? He is with our Mom now in Arizona and she too is suspicious about an eating disorder (ED) after he was spending a lot of time in the bathroom after eating. As far as I have heard, he stopped that behavior, though I worry about him hiding it better. Anyway, since he has left, I have acquired another roommate; one who is closer to my age. We’ve already went out clubbing (I NEVER KNEW IT WAS SO FUN) and had small parties at the apartment. I can tell you it’s been a big help to go home to people who care after a particularly hard day and talk about the triggers. Speaking of…

I’ve had to go to the doctors lately and, damn, if I didn’t have to go I wouldn’t. This has been my main source of pain for the past few months. I am going to have surgery soon and am required to see a specific doctor for progress and checkups leading to the table. This doctor, though, has made it very obvious that she doesn’t like me from the beginning and continually triggers my ED despite my comments and pleas. I have told her I have an ED, and immediately afterward she goes on and on about the importance of calorie counting and how it will help me “lose weight for the operation.” Right, because my restrictive nature has totally made me thin /sarcasm/. I can’t even ask to see another doctor because the other one is worse! I can’t leave for another place because my insurance requires I use that hospital or else I will have to pay full price for the surgery, but I don’t know if I will survive these people!

I have lapsed with my health and have slipped back into my ED habits. It’s taking a toll on my body and mind. I think I will have to just smile and nod with the doctor and grit my teeth until my operation date in May. Maybe I also need to take a nature trip and disappear for two weeks. Ah, how I long for no more assholes in the world, amiright? Why can’t people be tolerant and compassionate? Freaking people…. *mutter mutter*